who needs sleep?

I found out early in life that sleep and I were going to have a relationship with a tense love/hate dynamic. Meaning I love sleep, but I hate how LONG it takes me to get there. By the age of nine, I used to get so frustrated when listening to the radio when the music program would change from "Light on the Bays" to "Night on the Bays." "Night on the Bays" basically meant that the DJ's were peacing out for the night and switching on an automated playlist of soft rock favorites. This is why I know all the songs of my parents' generation. Never missed a single one. My parents at this point would be in bed, my brother and my sister were beyond comatose, my dad would be snoring, the house would be creaking, and I would be fully aware of the fact that I was the only one in the home awake. And now not even listening to any Delilah-wannabe's talking about touching personal stories (ya know, special song dedications for husbands in the military, Grandma's passing away, Ronny being sorry to Jeannine for breaking up, etc). I'd look out the window to find not a single light on in any of the houses. I was ALONE. This was very distressing for the nine year old Betsey. I was a weird child, what can I say. (I also used to take every single one of my stuffed animals, pile them into a mountain three times the size of me on one half of my bed, cover them all with a sheet and try to hug them all protectively with one arm because I was positive that if someone climbed in my window to rob our house they'd head STRAIGHT for my yellow Care Bear or my Glo-Worm. Logical, no?)

Anyway, when you're one of these crazy people who ends up staying awake til the sun comes up without any good reason, you have to be creative to keep yourself entertained. At least until sleepiness, that lazy bastard who always seems to take his sweet freakin time getting here, decides to swing by. On weekends, sometimes it's fun to still be up at 3:00, 4:00, 5:00am... because you can stop watching the crazy television that they put on at these hours and from the window you direct your attention down upon the groups of people coming home from the bar. While this can at times be a bit depressing, as they are coming home from a fun night out and you, in your sweatpants and your hair in an attractive ball-like configuration, are stalkishly staring at them from a dark window. But then you get to laugh when things happen like when the drunk girl, clutching on to her boyfriend to keep the ground from spinning so much, trips on her own dominatrix-style boots, resulting in an out of control, inebriated stumble... complete with flailing limbs. And I, having seen it, can laugh just like Jon Lovitz in that scene from Wedding Singer after Adam Sandler sings that song to Drew Barrymore... (Jon Lovitz says, "He's going craaazy... and I'm reaping all the benefits" and then laughs evilly, his eyes bulging threateningly, as the curtain slowly shadows his face) I'm a little less creepy though, I think. I hope?

My brain activity peaks during the nighttime hours (I'd actually like to hook my brain up to a monitor sometime and compare the activity levels during, for example, History of Architecture class, during which the little bleep would flatline, compared with sitting in bed at 3:00am, when it'd be all over the place). In fact, I bet anything that I think more in one night than I probably do in a week's worth of daytime hours. This, of course, can be a positive or a negative thing, depending on your mood, the day you've just had, etc. It can be a good thing if you're thinking of fun things, or upcoming events, or happy memories, or funny moments that make you laugh out loud in bed, or weird thought patterns like relating Yoda to grammar, or just organizing things in your head... You eventually fall asleep content, or perhaps smiling and thinking about big multi-colored lollipops and clouds made of marshmellows. You have absolute freedom to let your mind wander to wherever the hell it wants to go because you are competely alone with nobody to distract you... everything that enters in your mind is absolutely pure, and raw, and untainted. Clearly it can be a bad thing when, for example, you can't help but replay scenes from the whopping three scary movies you've seen (the tunnel scene in 28 Days Later with the rats and then when the girl comes popping contortedly out of the tv screen in The Ring are the ones that CONTINUE to haunt me.. you think I'm kidding..), or when you replay and overthink things/ conversations/ scenarios/ comments/ etc, or when you stress out about this paper or that test coming up. At a certain point you just can't stop and it all just builds upon itself... and this is the worst sleeplessness: you eventually fall into a restless, worried, depressed, frustrated sleep that often follows you right up until you wake your ass up.

And those are my thoughts on insomnia. And now that it's 5:28am, I'm going to try for the second time this evening to go to sleep. Good night, and may fluffy marshmellow clouds and cute hopping bunny rabbits be with you. Don't ask.

gobble gobble

Today was Thanksgiving. A fantastic American holiday whose only purpose is to celebrate the American way of eating: overindulgently. It's a full out celebration of obesity. Seriously... what other holiday is there that you wake up, eat breakfast, lay around all day in your comfies watching parades and football games, undo the first button of your pants to provide extra space, and then my God eat until you fall over in a 25 pound turkey-induced coma. And that, my friends, is why I love Thanksgiving.

So thank you to everyone who emailed and IMed me to rub in my face the fact that I could not partake as usual. You all hold a special place on my hate list. The following was information which was most pointed out to me by my loving friends:
1) I could not watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade on tv
2) I did not wake up slowly to the smell of Thanksgiving preparations. Instead, I woke up to the musical delights of an alarm clock.
3) I WENT TO CLASS TODAY.
4) I didn't get to go to the East Lyme townie bar last night to get wasted. Oh wait, I'm not upset about that.
5) Your mother was making pies.
6) Instead of showering this morning, you decided to bathe in gravy... because you could.

Here was my Thanksgiving. I went to class. Yep. Class. On Thanksgiving. Our original plan was to make Thanksgiving here in the apartment and invite friends... especially exciting was the idea of giving our Spanish 'Thanksgiving virgin' friends their first Thanksgiving. I was envisioning the meal and the conversations regarding Turkey Day traditions... and thank you Paco for making one of my imagined conversations come true:

"Wait, so there's bread... stuffed INSIDE the turkey?" ideally accompanied by a puzzled, horrified look.
"Well yeah obviously... you stick it right in there.
"What the..." more horrified looks.
"But first you have to shove your entire arm inside the turkey and fish out the plastic bag containing all the turkey 'innards'"

However, we lost interest... not in our friends clearly (whew, close one) but more so meaning that general morale about actually preparing an entire Thanksgiving meal decreased and the amount that said meal would have ripped from our meager bank accounts made us think twice about it. And we didn't find any turkeys. Although, as Angel has pointed out, we did not look very hard. Regardless, we decided to go to the Hard Rock Cafe, which was offering a full Thanksgiving dinner. Hooray.

Thinking in advance like the smart gal that she is, Joanne headed down there last night to ask if they accepted reservations since we were going to be a group of 6. The response, from the English-speaking and actually English man, was "No... only for parties greater than 20 people." I point this out to show that there was no language barrier between the two and therefore no miscommunication. Fine. So today, we headed there an hour and half before we wanted to eat (our goal was to be seated and ordering at 8:30pm) to get in line/get a table/put our name on a waiting list... whatever. However, clearly because it's us, the first thing we are asked upon our arrival is:

"Oh, well, do you have a reservation?"
"No, they told me yesterday that you don't take reservations"
"Oh... well, we do for Thanksgiving."
We looked at him with dead, scathing eyes.

After a five minute conversation with this man, we learned that if we waited we could probably sit and eat around 10:30. It was 7:00. So, we headed towards Tony Roma's with diminishing hopes that they, being another American chain restaurant, would be offering up a similar Thanksgiving feast. The restaurant didn't open until 8:30. It was now 7:10. So, we sat on the steps right smack in front of the restaurant in the cold, people walking by looking at our determined faces, to assure that we would be the first people in the restaurant. It was reminiscent of camping out for concert tickets... except camping out for concert tickets normally yields desired results: you go to the concert and rock out to the music and its fantastic.

Camping out for Thanksgiving dinner at Tony Roma's apparently yields weird-tasting turkey, liquidy cold mashed potatoes, and a lump of shredded cabbage that resembled purple sauerkraut. We poured salt over everything to try and add some normal taste into the mix. And I mean a lot of salt: I can feel my arteries closing up. No bread, no stuffing, no cranberry sauce, no sweet gherkin pickles... I need to stop, I'm tearing up. Sniff. And the meal finished off with the weirdest tasting apple pie of my life. I pretty positive that instead of being something that was baked, it was a boxed pastry that was frozen and merely thawed out.

photos:
http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Uc=i46xdcx.gij5x35&Uy=2bfax6&Ux=0

sPaNgLiSh GrAmMaR

Over the past 23 years, I've been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism for never having seen the Star Wars Trilogy... and even more for having seen only the new ones (look people, it wasn't my choice- Mark dragged me!). I think I pretty much have a grasp on what happens, however everything I know about the plots of the first three Star Wars I learned from the episode of Friends where Ross's erotic fantasy is for Rachel to dress up as Princess Leia (Laya? Leya? Lea? Oh hell, whatever the name is of the chick with the weird hair) and the Star Wars Gangsta Rap (if you don't know of it or haven't seen it, ASK ME. It's amazing), whose lyrics I actually have memorized (don't judge!! Allison and Krissy too!). I know, I know. I get it... it's a big deal. It's just that the Han-Solo-laden, Yoda-wisdom-divulging, I'm-your-father-admitting, light-saber-battling movies just haven't made their way into my VCR. Or my house. Or my list of movies to see. However, I do have a little something, apart from jokes a la Triumph the Insult Dog (Oh Conan... I miss you so... tear, sniff, snort... I swear to God if I come home to 2-3 weeks of repeats like the last time, you're going to hear about it) to contribute: the results of my mind-wanderings at 3:30 this morning. Typical night in the sack with the Bets-meister, really.

You've guessed correctly. This morning, I, Elizabeth M. Mattern, discovered the key to Yoda's whacky speech patterns... and here it is: it's just Spanish grammar, or probably that of any language stemming from Latin, but written/spoken in English! The crazy differences between English and Spanish regarding the order in which the subject, verb, etc. go is something that you have to get used to and proves at times to be a struggle... it's always just seemed so backwards (although I do admit that over time, sentence structure in Spanish began to make a lot more sense to me). But regardless, now it's all coming together and I see the real reason for the tricky little differences: it has allowed for the style of Yoda to be invented. SO OBVIOUS.

I was in bed, thinking about grammar (because that's what the cool kids are doing these days) and at the same time thinking about the symptoms I was/am currently experiencing of an oncoming illness. The two completely unrelated trains of thought collided head-on, and the result was: Me duelen los ojos = They hurt me my eyes do. In a flash, all I saw was a familiar green. No, not envy, not Fenway Park, but the other green... I saw YODA. From there, I probably amused myself in bed (in a G-rated way, you sickos) for a solid hour thinking up sentences and paragraphs in English but using Spanish grammar rules. Spanglish grammar... newly discovered to be Yoda-speak. I think it's finally proven that I'm one of those people that, since I don't do or take any sort of drugs, should start A-sap.

So the next big question which I've been tossing around in my head... in Star Wars dubbed into Spanish, is it in Spanish but using the rules of ENGLISH grammar??? In the Spanish version, does Yoda even talk weird? Did that cross over? When watching Star Wars in English, do Spanish people understand Yoda better than, for example ___________ (fill in with the name of whichever other galactic character, I dont really know any) who speaks in regular English? So many questions...

Oh geez... I read what I just wrote annnd have concluded that I am fo shizzle, sin duda, not a doubt in my mind, definitivamente... an idiot. Better to be an idiot than a raging hormonal biatch though, right?

Go Fug Yourself

I think this website accounts for my turning into a mean (but clearly in that charmingly and humorously mean way) person. These women are FANTASTIC.

www.gofugyourself.com

Betsey's Top 10 of the Day

You know you need to go home for a couple weeks when:

1. Your food budget now allows for a weekly head of lettuce.
2. The dubbed into Spanish voices on the Simpsons start to sound normal to you. Except I'm sorry, but the voice they have given to Reverend Lovejoy is just entirely unacceptable.
3. You run out of peanut butter... again!! Time to steal BernBern's BJ's card for a raid...
4. The words 'home-cooked meal' sound completely foreign to you.
5. Four months later, you can't speak English. Or Spanish, for that matter.
6. You contemplate going across the street to the music store to 'test out' the pianos to quench your musical thirst.
7. Your 'get ready to go out' music has switched from pop and thug to a vast collection of Christmas carols. Alvin and the Chipmunks... they get me every time. I just want a hula hoop too.
8. You are out of Tylenol PM. What is sleep like again? I can't recall.
9. You need to start weaning yourself off of Casa Poli and its coffee, its tortilla sandwiches, and its fabtacular waitors who are sooooo in love with us.
10. All of your winter clothes are at home and/or in the possession of your little sister... and while she is warm and snug in your favorite (and only) sweaters, you are frankly freezing your metaphorical balls off.

poeta soy yo

During the summer in Vermont, between reading 294892 books, fighting off the kamikazi mosquitos, doing ridiculous projects, trying to block out the smell of cow excrement, and spending endless hours doing work, I started writing haiku's in Spanish (so as not to break the all important 'Palabra de honor'). Frankly, it was an outlet for the MISERY I was suffering (it wasn't just me... it was a collective misery). The one that started it all off was:
Trabajando mas
Yo prefiero un tenedor
En el ojito.
... Y a los espanoles que leen este magnifico blog mio, si... siempre he asegurado tener en cuenta este fenomeno tan molesto de la sinalefa!

In light of Natalie's birthday, I have once more put to use my creative talents... except in the mother tongue and sans negativity. I'm way poetic like that.

Ahem..(clears throat for dramatic effect)

Twas the 17th of the 'ember of Nov'
And as if from the Cabbage Patch grove
A girl named Natalie came into our lives
22 years later, on shopping she thrives

Thank you.

Happy bday Nattie!

just a typical morning

This morning, having successfully showered, dried the hairs, and gotten dressed in 25 minutes, I was on target to arrive on time to class. My bedroom is interior (it faces a little patio-ish thing and another apartment's window... therefore I keep the shades closed.. just in case I decide to dance around nekkid in my room sometime) and therefore clearly did not notice the depressing DOWNPOUR that nature was throwing down upon the city of Madrid. So I walk downstairs and somewhere in the range of 3 feet from the door I notice the wrath of good ole Mama N. I swear that cranky biatch has her u-trou all up in a bunch this week. Not overly concerned, I turn around to walk upstairs to retrieve my umbrella... and then realize that I have forgotten my keys. Perfect. Oh but it's ok! I can avoid getting soaked in my 20 minute journey to class by taking the metro. Good! I like technology! So I head to the metro stop, where I proceed to realize I have neither a) money nor b) my metro pass with me. They're in the OTHER coat. Yes, the coat with a hood... another item oh so conveniently left behind that I would have found quite useful this morning. So... I trudge back up to the street to confront a fabulous 20 minute walk to my least favorite class of my life... a walk full of puddles, wet hair, and those pity stares of people who you KNOW are saying "whoa, this girl looks like a wet dog... what an idiot for not bringing an umbrella." It was a good... nay, a GREAT... morning. The best part? Upon arriving to class (now 5 minutes late) and sitting in a puddle of squish, I opened my wet backpack to find... my umbrella. And I'm pretty positive it was actually sprouting horns and laughing demonically at me. If I hadn't been in class and had the professor not been talking... it could have easily become a violent scene.

Sidenote: there should be an obligatory class during the formulative years on umbrella etiquette. Lesson topics would include but are not exclusive to:
1. If you have an umbrella, let the people who happen to have obviously forgotten to bring one walk beneath the overhangs. You selfish bastards...
2. Just because a girl does not have an umbrella does not mean that she wants to be offered a private walk to her destination. Yes, I'm talking to YOU, you creepy, middle-aged, unibrowed man.
3. The umbrella is a useful friend... not a weapon.
4. When walking through or as part of a group of people, raise the umbrella just a smidge to avoid the totally unnecessary clashing with the umbrellas of the people walking in the opposite direction... and half-killing the girl stuck in the middle (cough cough, ME).
5. When standing around waiting to cross the street, it's not ok to twirl your umbrella back and forth, sending an extra bucket or so of water shooting off in all directions like a freakin' fireworks display. I understand you are bored, but your cute little singing in the rain tendencies cause you to further soak and therefore anger the already wet and surly girl to your left.
6. When walking in the rain, especially in an urban setting, it is not necessary to have an umbrella big enough to fit a family of five. In doing so, you are impairing anybody who is not a midget (er, vertically challenged person) from passing.

argghh

Do you ever just get full-out pissed off at yourself? I do.

Gonzalo, part deux

Good news ladies!! Lucky for all of us females, Gonzalo (http://wapa82.blogspot.com/2005/09/gonzalo.html) is still very much on the market.

Joanne and I, our heads pounding from a lack of caffeine, headed down to Casa Poli (where everybody knows your name) for our coffee. And who was sittin' there at the counter? Gonzalo, in all his taxi-driving, greasy-ponytail, sketchball glory. This time around not only were rides in his taxi (yah, I'm sure that's what he means) offered, but there were marriage proposals involved... and now he's using back-up. He had a wing-man who sat next to us listing off all of Gonzalo's stellar, just STELLAR, qualities. We told him we were both already quite happily married (maybe I should have thrown in with a bun in the oven... you know... guys don't want to marry chicks with "baggage" in the form of a crying, runny nosed brat)... his response? Dont' worry, our marriage can be like an Elizabeth Taylor type deal... it's ok if I want to have like 8 spouses... he doesn't have to be the only one nor the most important. FYI: If I were to have multiple husbands, each one would have, serve, occupy, or at least perform a specific function. Unfortunately for Gonzalo, he doesn't make the cut...I just don't think that he would serve any worthwhile function... nor do I think that he frankly has anything that functions.

Luckily, the Poli waiters are mildly (ok ok.. insanely) in love with us and go into fatherly mode, protecting us from the creepy advances of a certain taxi driver. And from now on, we know to avoid Casa Poli around 5:30pm.

Everybody has their vices. I say this fully aware that in the other room Joanne is feverishly tearing through the Sudoku (a puzzle game here in Spain... like a crossword but with numbers) book that she just bought in Corte Ingles. She also has lost the ability to blink or speak in coherent sentences whilst crunching numbers in that smart little head of hers. But I'm coming to realize that I have a lot, and I mean really an excessively absorbant amount, of addictions and/or obsessive compulsive tendencies.

First I have my everyday food addictions. Everybody has these, whether they be your common place daily need for cookies and cream ice cream or something obscure like plums (cough cough, Mark). I tend to gravitate towards chocolate, Diet Coke (mmm... Christmas break, when I can drink Diet Coke instead of Coca Cola light.. and yes there IS a difference), coffee (I've hit the need for two cups a day of Spanish coffee, otherwise known as the closest thing you can get to a caffeine injection), and peanut butter (I don't feel the need to elaborate... I think it's understood). And clearly, since they taste so damn good, it's an unwritten rule that they have to in some direct or indirect way try to kill you. Diet Coke... causes cancer. Coffee... ulcers. Chocolate... diabetes, obesity, heart problems, etc. Peanut butter, when eaten in moderation, is good for you. Needless to say, the self-control part of my brain is in a permanently switched to the off position. In fact, I think I may have been born without it. One day in the day of Betsey's eating addictions is like watching a commercial for some Pfizer medication... I love these. It's like, hey you'll be cured of your depression, but this medication "may cause high blood pressure, drowsiness, 38478383 types of cancer, your left ear to fall off, dizziness, temporary blindness, 8 hour erections, foot fungus, memory loss, anal leakage, and death." I don't know about you, but depression is sounding more and more like a Caribbean vacation.

Then come my non-food addictions. This is where I will first divulge my relatively secret addiction. PANDA CAM. This is completely pathetic and I have no problem admitting it. Yes. I, Elizabeth Marie Mattern, stalk panda bears. During the summer while I was in Middlebury (little known fact, Middlebury comes from the Native American word Middlebumbororouy, which means infernal language boot-camp), I was illegally reading cnn.com (illegal because it's written in English... language pledge taboo) and came across a story saying that a panda cub was born in the national zoo in Washington, D.C. AND, that you could check it out on a webcam! I was curious, and directed myself to said webcam to find to my delight that there were actually two. So, basically I have been, on a daily basis, charting the growth of this panda cub from the time when he was born and weighed 2 pounds to now, when he weights 15 pounds and has been learning to walk. AND, I don't think it's necessarily a coincidence that my birthday was the selected day on which the cub's name was chosen... not that I keep track of those things (his name is Tai Shan)

My daily crossword puzzles. I have to do two a day, the two preferred being the Eugene Sheffer and the Boston Globe puzzles. The thing is, I'm living in a country in which everyday I wind up wanting to hit myself in the head with a large, blunt object because the things in my head somehow become idiotic babbles when they come out of my mouth. I need some self-affirming evidence to prove that I can survive in at least one language... hence crosswords. However, the addiction is nearing a stage of obsession which calls for an intervention of some sort I believe. It's just a matter of days before I walk into my apartment to find my family and friends sitting semi circle in our den, asking me to accept help from professionals. Then I'll go to some Texas ranch or health lodge on a lake to learn to breathe deeply, ride horses, count to ten, and find new outlets for my energies.

Like the crossword puzzle, another habit that I've picked up from my dad the lawyer is my daily checking of the New London Day (my newspaper at home) to see if anyone I know has been arrested. This is not normal. On the more positive end, I do also check to see if anyone I know has gotten engaged or married. That makes me slightly less cynical, no?

Cows. For anybody who knows me well, it's a given that I have a very weird attachment to our bovine friends. In fact, it's quite possible that I was a cow in a past life... but that's beside the point. So obviously airplanes and such have radar. Me? I have cow-dar. There could be a random pair of cow-printed socks in the back corner of a store on the other side of the street, and I will see them. I don't even try. You know it's bad when all of your friends see cow-printed objects, stuffed animals, cards, etc and automatically think of you. If you people could see the diverse collection of cow things I have in my rooms at home... wow. To the looney bin I would be sent.

The last of these is more of a OCD tendency. I don't have claustrophobia... but I cannot stand to be stuck in a crowd of people. I freak out. For example, I have gone twice to El Rastro, a huge weekly flea market here. The amount of people that go is overwhelming. I went with Hannah and Nell and they were both like "Bets, are you ok?" I need to walk fast and I cannot be stuck behind a big group of slow-moving people. It's actually starting to cause me physical damage, which makes me think that it could be becoming a problem. Sunday afternoon, I was taking a walk and getting lost about Madrid. I had finally oriented myself and was close-ish to home, when I found myself on a street which had the highest population I have ever seen of handicapped people. I mean, old women who couldn't walk, TWO guys on crutches, and a blind person. And, they were all in front of me, creating an obstacle course that would make me look like a complete bastard if I went dodging through all of them. I'd probably knock over a guy in crutches, causing an old woman to trip and she'd fall on the blind person's dog, clearly making the blind person then trip, etc. To avoid such debacles, I opt for my normal routine of walking on the curb part of the sidewalk, which is separated by a line of trees. Needless to say, I am at this point listening to my Ipod and walking at a 'quick' pace on an 8 inch piece of sidewalk wedged between trees and parked cars, when BAM. I misjudged a tree's placement and get it instead in the side of the head, causing a delightful bump (which remains there today) and an accompanying sweet scratch on my arm. Having heard the "clunk" of my head and an "ow!" from my mouth, the old and hardly able to walk woman, along with her equally decrepit companion, stared at me questioning MY ability to walk.

My OCD's, addictions, and obsessions are going to get the best of me one day...

barcelona antics

The people that I have run into while traveling, whether the trips be long or short, never cease to amaze me. For example, one time 3 years ago on the commuter rail between Worcester and Boston I met an Elvis impersonator. He didn't look like Elvis. Which made me embarassed for him... I hate when that happens.... feeling embarassed for somebody else because they obviously lack that part of their brain or were absent that day of school when they taught humiliation. But anyway. So when we set off for Barcelona last weekend, I knew it would be no exception. And furthermore, you know going in that if you're paying a whopping 15 euros a night to stay in a hostal, you're gonna leave with some stories...

Our hostal. So many cherished memories. We took a midnight bus which put us hungry, overtired, achy, and cranky in Barcelona at 7:30am. We eventually find the number at which our hostal is supposed to be located. Needless to say, there was an iron GATE guarded by a man in such a manner that one would think that there were secret treasures... or maybe even heaven... behind those gates. This lovely gentleman (I wanted to kick him in the shins) told us repeatedly that there was no hostal. It had been closed. For a long time. And it wasn't opening. Ever. Nell, luckily, was even crankier than me and yelled at him saying that we had a reservation. Eventually, he took out the blessed keys to the heavenly gate and let us in. Surprise surprise, yes there was a hostal on the 2nd floor as we suspected. Had there not been, it wouldn't have been pretty to watch our reactions.

The hostal owners. We walk into the 'reception' (a card table) where the woman proceeds to shuffle through approximately 308398304839 papers looking for ours. The husband materializes from a part of this place that I didn't even know had a room... sans shirt. They have a tween daughter wandering around the place wearing a blanket. How's that for a family. Then the woman offers us coffee. We accept. Then she says they have no running water and sorry.

After about 25 minutes of standing there waiting for the woman to organize our "papers," the husband tells us to grab our stuff; we're leaving this building, walking to another building 10 minutes away where we will be staying. So off we go towards our temporary abode. As soon as we turn down the alley where the entrance to the building is, it hits you. The smell that you just want to bottle up and put away for Christmas gifts. It was a delightful mix of pee and fish. I'd like to proudly point out that I coined the phrase "piscado" ... a combination of "pis" (pee) and "pescado" (fish). Come on, 2 points to the Bets-meister for creativity. Turning purple from holding our breath, we are at the same time hiking up a few flights of stairs til we get to "the room." It's your typical cheap-ass hostal. One room with 12 beds, and then two adjoining rooms, each with two more beds. Fine. Then, the hostal man pulls out two blankets. He seemed not to have noticed that there were four of us. And it was like ultimate zero in that room. "Don't worry... I'll be back in FIVE minutes with blankets and towels." Oookay. We PEACE OUT on the beds. I planted my face nose down into the mattress and passed out. I awaken to all sorts of noise and the lights being switched on. Then, hostal man creeeeeeps in and says "Here comes Papa Noel with the blankettsssssss.." with a big grin. The image continues to remind me of the scene in Meet the Parents when the mom brings Greg Focker a set of Jack's pajamas.

Then, he pulls out the towels. I looked at what he places on the bed. Now, they were white and packaged in plastic no bigger than the side of a ziplock sandwich bag. I knew this was going to be good... yes, that's right... the plastic contained a towel-sized paper towel. Needless to say, by day two I had a giant hole in this luxury towel because apparently I was trying too rigorously to get the water out of my hair.

The neighbors! Like I said, staying in a cheap hostal is directly related to meeting weird people. So I'll start low and go from the weird up to the total freaks. First, the American who doesn't speak. And who took 45 minute showers. In a place that has a tank. And very little hot water. A Betsey going on no sleep and a cold shower is not necessarily the sweet, happy version that you all know and love.

Then the American from Idaho. He was traveling with three other people (one from Brazil, one from Mexico, and one from Ireland) because they are of some program in France. From the second the four of them arrived, he was making the four of us mad. He wouldn't make his own bed... he made the Brazilian girl do it for him. ANd then he asks us, "Is there like, a Gap around here? I need to go shopping." So we reply no, but that you can get the same kind of stuff/look in various stores and we proceeded to name a few. Then he scoffs and says, "um, no... Gap is Gap" followed by a "ughh! where did you put my Steve Maddens!" to his friends. We're thinking, Ok buddy.. settle down with the trying to be metrosexual and get a grip. You're from IDAHO. I love potatoes... they're one my favorite foods fo-EVA yo... but think about it. Your claim to fame is being part of spud land.

The Italians. The Italians were by far the most dynamic of the group. They, thank God, had one of the private rooms. Now these Italians, a very "active" gay couple (thin, THIN walls kids..) arrived very late the 2nd night and then they proceeded to go out. Therefore, we didn't talk to them nor did we know at this point that they were an "item." The next day, Hannah and I walk into our hostal to see Joanne and Nell on their beds eating crackers in that methodic, shell-shocked way. Nibble by nibble. Yes, the Italian couple was goinnnnn' at it. A few minutes later, Italian #1 walks out fully dressed, but with his pride and joy still very much at attention, looking to bum a post-sexx cigarette off of one of us. He talks to us for a few minutes and we quickly tag him as the 'woman' of the relationship. Then, Italian #2 walks out.. and Italian #1 gets all doe-eyed and rosy-cheeked and says, "Now I'd like you to meet the best of Italy.." signalling Italian #2...Because they obviously know at this point that we are quite aware of why such 'noises' were coming out of their room. So overall the Italians seem to be pretty nice guys. They are asking Nell, since she studied abroad in Barcelona 3 years ago, places to go and what not. They go out. This is when Italian #1 takes the cake for being absolutely nuts. They come home at about 4:30am. We have been sleeping for probably about 2 hours at this point. Italian #1 makes his way through our backpacks plus those of the four other people ('Gap is Gap' and co.) to arrive beside my bed. I wake up and his face is literally 6 inches from mine. Obviously I am startled and he's lucky he didn't get a punch in the face, as I am at this point thinking that he is some stranger who came in through the window to attack me (childhood nightmare). Then he starts patting my head saying it's ok and that they're home... and then goes to sit down beside me on my bed to chit chat... I just kept repeating 'ciao' 'ciao' 'ciao' 'bona note' 'ciao' until he left. Normal??? No!! Scaring the crap out of Betsey seemed to be a theme of the trip... another example being the man dressed in a giant gorilla suit who creeped up beside me in the middle of Las Ramblas and then started grunting like I suppose a gorilla might do. I screamed. People were laughing at my misfortune. We all know I don't do well with things that just pop out to scare you. I mean c'mon... even the Scream movies scared me.

So those are 'the characters' of our little voyage to Barcelona. Altogether, they have provided the four of us with so much inside joke material. In between, we had a ton of fun being complete tourists... and took 3948393994400 pictures. Magic fountains, Erotic Museum, Picasso Museum, Chocolate Museum ("pleasure" chairs which looked more like medieval torture devices to famous Picasso paintings to Disney characters sculped out of chocolate... all within 24 hours of each other). Running around in giant labyrinths. Long walks. Parks. Realizing that Gaudi is totally an architectural dictator in Barcelona... he's EVERYWHERE. Watching Nell chase down and scream obscenities at the man who grabbed her bag. Eating... alot. And more! Ch-ch-ch-check 'em out!

http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=i46xdcx.t6jrio1&x=0&y=-222d08

There is almost nothing bad about fall (except maybe for daylight savings and the closing of Dairy Queen).. I mean come on, it CAN'T be bad... it's my favorite time of the year and also the season during which the world celebrated the miraculous event of my birth. That's two big points right thurr. I have to admit that summer, a season I used to not like very much at all save the fact that we didn't have school, is starting to grow on me. After years of hating the heat I adapted to it during the year in Sevilla. Now I make use of shorts (instead of refusing to wear anything but jeans back in the day) and I try to capitalize on how lucky I am to have beaches in my town. But even so, nothing compares with a New England fall. All the leaves changing color, the first time you see your breath in the cool, crisp air, fleece blankets, comfy sweaters, football games, my dad and his coat obsession (our childhood toy closet now houses an extensive collection of his coats, jackets, windbreakers, vests, you name it), childhood memories of jumping in giant piles of leaves with my brother and sister (and sometimes on top of a stray, hidden rake... ouch), the season's annual inaugural fire in the fireplace, the intense, clear blue of the autumn sky, heading down to the beach with a tennis ball to run around with my dog, the ability to see tons and tons of stars at my mom's house because there's no lights anywhere nearby and the air is so crisp...

So today, when Susan's mom who has been visiting asked me if I missed being in the USA, these are things that I thought of because I had fall on my mind. My mom, the other day on the phone, told me that this week is the peak week back in East Lyme, CT for the changing leaves... and that made me sad! Not in the "I want to go home" way, but in the "I miss fall!" way. Because like any normal city, there isn't a huge amount of trees here... and I don't have a car to go out driving around Spain looking for hills and hills of oranges and reds as the leaves change... and you can't really see the stars too well...and I can't find that perfect hot chocolate mug... and we don't have a fireplace. I mean, I guess I could buy one of those videos that you pop in the VCR that looks like a fire in the fireplace... but it doesn't emit the warmth or the smell that I luuuurrrve (yes, that's a Celine Dion love... that meants intense!).

I miss driving up the driveway to see smoke coming out of the chimney... which always makes me so happy because it means I can curl up on the floor in front of the fireplace in my favorite sweatpants with my dog, a book, and a big mug of hot chocolate. You know the mugs... they're big enough so that you can hold it with both hands against your chest, taking slow delicious sips. My personal favorite, currently sitting unused in the cabinet at home, is one made of clay that a friend gave to me back in high school with a painted sun and moon on it. It's MADE for hot chocolate perfection... especially if you throw a glob of fluff or some marshmellows in there. Mmm!

Haha, I need to stop listening to Ben Folds when I decide I feel like writing something. It makes me introspective.

"soy pintor"

Throughout my 294830920 (... or maybe it's only been 19 or so..) years of schooling I, like any other normal person, have had my share of teachers and classes that I have not liked. It's normal. Well, right now, I am in the class that takes the cake. It's torture. One and a half hours of teeth-gritting, fist-clenching, wanting to scream torture every Tuesday and Thursday morning. I prefer coffee in the a.m. hours... not this cruel punishment (good God I must have committed some terrible, terrible crime to have deserved this..) called 'History of Architecture in Spain."

Having taken a lot of art and art history classes at Holy Cross and at the University of Sevilla, I tend to really enjoy art classes. I find them interesting. A nice break from the typical classes' subject matters. Photography, Digital Imaging, Drawing, History of Ancient Archaeology, History of Art in Andalucia, etc... I liked them all! It's an entirely different type of learning; they're an opportunity to expand your mind and to see the world differently. So, obviously, when I saw in the Middlebury class list that they were some art history classes being offered, I said giddyup yee-haw let's go! Sign me up! What could go wrong? I mean, I like the subject material, I've studied art history in the past, I'd like to know more, etc...

Two words: Alfredo Ramon. That's what can go wrong. So very, very wrong. He's hardcore Debbie-Downer and rains on my artsy parade everyday. I detest his class, and each passing day gets increasingly worse. Today for example, was so bad that I am already dreading Thursday's class. An hour and a half, which seems oh so short when that's how long I sleep at night, seems to last days. Years. Decades. I feel my sanity wanting to give out. I leave the class each day increasingly tired, weary, and feeling old. That's right... I'm 23 going on 80.

With each class, the amount of material he teaches us becomes progressively less... why? To make room for his lectures of course. To call tourism stupid (I'm a tourist... and tourism is fun, thank you very much), to tell us we can't "enjoy" architecture because then we'd be stupid (if I'm going to spend 5 euros to get into a centuries old cathedral, I'm damn well going to enjoy it), to mention 1948293 times per class that he's a painter (and, when he's at home... he has his own studio... where he, what? Oh right, he paints. We don't care! Your paintings probably suck!). I can't imagine him ever feeling "pleasure" in any facet of life. I can't even fathom this... I get all happy-giddy just from the sound a canister of tennis balls makes when you open it for the first time. I bet he eats stale bread because normal bread would be too close to enjoyable... and God help his poor wife if he's married. Poor woman's going into her 70's and probably never had a good romp in bed.

He half-yells at us telling us we need to understand the HISTORY of architecture in order to study the architecture. No shit dumbass, so TEACH us something. You can't lecture us on learning the history of architecture if you don't teach it to us because you're so focused on calling us dumb. And then he throws in a "Soy pintor (I'm a painter)" and maybe another "Las cosas.. hay que verlas'. (You have to go see things.)" He will, for example, mention a random plaza or street in Madrid, and if we don't know what he's talking about, he scoffs and throws out another 'Hay que VER las COSAS' before launching into another lecture.

Today, I almost stabbed myself with my pen in the eyeball because that would have been less painful than sitting through this class. I found myself wondering if I could get the pen right in the pupil. At least it would have been some sort of diversion. Even more disconcerting is that I actually subconsciously wrote "Kill me" in my notebook today. Hannah, out of nowhere, whimpered an "I hate him" and Susan said she wanted to kill him. Susan and I are both going to take ourselves out of a class he's teaching in the spring, one which had a lot of potential to be a good class. Because frankly, taking another class with him would be like volunteering to stay in a Prisoner of War camp in which they shove bamboo chutes down your fingernails when given a brief opportunity to escape...

communication breakdown

Two years ago, before coming to Spain for round one, I wrote a letter to my then future Spanish family to tell them when I would be arriving, some tidbits about me… and that I was really excited to meet them. Of course, come to find out a few months later, instead of writing that I was emotionally excited in that ‘really looking forward to meeting you’ way, I had written something to the effect of “I’m so horny to meet you!” How’s that for a first impression. Not exactly what I had intended, to say the least. Looking back, I guess it’s a good thing they knew I wasn’t a native Spanish speaker because they probably would have locked the door to avoid living with a perv. Hopefully they just chuckled amongst themselves.

And that’s the beauty of (or problem with) living in a country in which you don’t know the language inside out. You don’t know all the little meanings that a single word can carry depending on the context. You say one thing while trying to say something completely different… sometimes creating an awkward situation or making yourself look like an uneducated ass. I’m good at that. Perhaps you try to say “your mother is so nice” but instead you say “your mother is a fat whore who eats children.” (Just to emphasize the point… not taken from real life example) And then there’s my sense of humor… which often times goes misunderstood. I try to be sarcastic, which is my way of life in English, but find that my idea of humor doesn’t always necessarily function in Spanish the way I’d like it to.

To avoid situations such as these, there is a remedy! Every Monday and Wednesday morning I start off my day with a swig of orange juice and a little thing I like to call Oral Communication class, where we learn to communicate better… orally. The structure of the class is more or less the following. First, the professor teaches us the material in a given section of the giant packet of material that we have. Then, we divide up into pairs and create a quick 20 second dialogue to practice whatever it is we just learned. Makes sense… and avoids the characteristic monotony of the rest of my classes.

So this past Wednesday, we were doing suffixes! Two girls were doing their little conversation in which they were talking about a dog... but the professor didn’t catch the part when they mentioned that it was a dog to which they were referring. So, they’re going back and forth using various suffixes to describe how handsome the dog is. How smart he is. Etc. So then one of them says, “Pero mira, tiene la cola ganchuda.” Which means “but look, he has a hooked tail.” The funny thing about the wold “cola (tail)” is that in another context, it can also mean penis. So the professor, thinking that they were talking about a man, hears “but look, he has a hooked penis.” Needless to say, there was some choking on her water involved, a few stuttered words, some eyebrows raised and a bottom jaw dropped… then finally a “cómo?? (What??)” before it got cleared up.

And we lauuuughed and lauuuughed…

accessorizing

This is a topic I've been wanting to tackle for quite sometime and today is the day that I will finally put it down on paper. Except minus the paper..

To begin... I realize very, VERY well that I am no fashion goddess. I mean good grief, my path to girl hood was long and is pretty embarassing to look back upon. Most people have a few blackmail photos from their childhood. Screw that buddy, I've got ALBUMS of photos. BOXES of negatives. You had an awkward year? WAH.. I had an awkward DECADE. In fact, I would just love to run for public office or date someone really famous someday just to see what photos of me get dragged into the public eye.

My "phases," because my stunning looks really did go in stages, progressed as follows. 1: Mommy dressed me in cute things until I began to refuse to wear them. 2: I spent my childhood playing tackle football in the front yard with all the neighborhood boys... therefore I was in my tomboy phase donning mesh shorts below the knees and giant t-shirts. The evolution of Betsey continues with step 3, which I like to call the "shman (she-man) lumberjack," and which reached its peak during 8th grade. This stunning era was spent in my men's Eddie Bauer flannel shirts which were worn ON TOP of overalls (very chic at the time.. according to Woodcutters Weekly Magazine) Then we move on to a crucial step 4 in high school, when I wore jeans and nice big comfy sweatshirts... the gray zip-up to be exact... those of you who have known me since before college remember that bad boy quite well I'm sure. Step 5 happened in college. One day I looked in the mirror and had a revelation. Something along the lines of 'well would you look at that... turns out that I DON'T have man parts and therefore maybe.. just maybe.. I should start trying to fit in with my fellow boob-possessing peers' (and I'm not referring to old man boobs, as tempting and physically attractive as that would be..). I highlight this Darwinian evolution of Betsey (I really should have my own chart) simply in an effort to point out that I have never nor will ever consider myself an authority figure in the realm of style and I don't typically take it upon myself to judge how others dress. Fine. Express yourself. Go to town. Change it up. Don't blend in. Be you! All that classic 'be yourself pamphlet' material.

That being said... there is a girl in our program who will remain nameless although she shall henceforth be referred to as OTT (over the top). Now I could EASILY dedicate an ENTIRE blog to the various "characters" in this program and daily stories/observations of them. They are weird... and I don't mean quirky weird, or individual-type weird, or funky weird, or 'wow she's weird, but I respect that' weird... I mean just plain WEIRD. Nuts. Wayyy out there. Beyond normal human comprehension. Believe me, I don't by any means consider myself to be "normal," but these people just shock us more with each day that we spend in class with them. OTT is a proud member of this special group of people.

Moving along. There is a lot of accessorizing going on in Spain... and I like accessorizing mainly because I'm a cheap bastard. I mean, instead of buying several shirts, I can buy one shirt, re-wear that shirt with different stuff, and spend the saved money at the bar. Or the bakery. Score! But there is a limit. And that limit is called not wearing every damned accessory under the sun at the same time... OTT evidently didn't get this memo. She's like a walking entertainment venue. Everyday we sit in class waiting for her arrival just to see what she decided to throw together... I will randomly take an outfit from a typical day:

Checkered slip-on Vans. I love them, have wanted them to come back into style for the last four years, and am contemplating buying a pair, so OTT gets two points there. Now add giant gold belt worn not where belts should be worn, but rather up around the ribs... serving some therapeutic purpose I'm sure. Weight lifting perhaps. Check. Big chunky gold earrings. Check, check. Now throw a little black J.Lo-esque hat perched on one side of her head into the mix. Check. And some necklaces. Check, check, check, check. And a big scarf. Check. And ARM-SOCKS (you know.. like gloves but with the fingers cut off in a very hip 'I want to look homeless' way). Check, check. With big chunky black and gold bracelets worn OVER the arm socks. More checks. I can't even continue... Senorita OTT, you are out of control. I mean honestly, does she look at herself in the mirror, think she looks boring, and decide the only remedy is to put everything she owns on at the same time? Isn't that what crazy old drunk ladies do? My God, I would kill to see the concoction she puts together when she gets married...

And the best part is that not only does she get fame for being OTT on a daily basis, but she's also a grade A, art class over-nodder. A double offender!

birthday

I never knew life could taste so good.
I need a little minute, just a moment to breathe.
-----------O.A.R.


I love you guys :o)

caja madrid

Today, for your reading delight, I bring to you the latest episode of C/ General Pardinas 28 (our aparment) vs. Caja Madrid.

As we normally do upon the return from our mind-stimulating and nerve-testing (due to a few, ahem, "characters") classes, we opened our little mailbox to see if anyone had sent us any goodies. As usual... there were no fun cards, letters, cookies, or tubs of Skippy (I feel like I'm starting up a Where's Waldo game... where in her blog does Betsey mention peanut butter..), but to our childish delight there WAS a menu for a Chinese restaurant along with an envelope from Caja Madrid (the bank with which we have an account to pay our landlord/bills/male prostitutes). We received our bank summary which said that X amount of Euros had been withdrawn for the gas and X amount for the electricity. Fine. Looks good. As expected. Successful month handling the bills = treating our proud and smiling selves to Frappuccinos at Starbucks. But then, as our eyes scrolled further down the page, there appeared a mysterious, miscellaneous charge of 40 euros. Hmm, we say. Curious, no? Turns out this month I WON'T be trying the caramel flavored Frappuccino, which looked oh so mouth-wateringly delicious on the poster...

We knew that another fun trip to Caja Madrid was inevitably in the near future... always an adventure. Just the knowledge that we'd have to make more than the single monthly visit to Caja Madrid put Joanne in funk-mode and needing chocolate. Why? Well, because it really is like pulling teeth. Generally, approximately 45 minutes of the early a.m. are spent waiting in line (and that's being 3rd in line) with antsy businessmen and bitter pregnant women... and clearly in a cloud of smoke, while the single woman at the desk goes about her things ever. so. painfully. sloowwwllyyyyyy. I mean... wow. Even Hannah walks faster than these bank people work. Despite the funk, Joanne, being the saintly martyr that she is and for which we are infinitely grateful, volunteered herself to go into battle. The battleplan was to 1) state that we'd never asked for or been notified of this random "insurance" from Mapfre (a company) and then 2) demand firmly, but ever so politely and grammatically correct, that they give us back our damned money. I mean hello? We're broke enough as it is. Believe me, my rotation of salad, grilled cheeses, and peanut butter sandwiches isn't as luxurious as it may sound. I don't think it's what Oprah's private chef prepares for her, put it that way...

Turns out this insurance is automatically tacked on to any given account when it is opened and we somehow had to know through our obviously clairvoyant ways to cancel said service in advance, or so explained the bank woman. And what, you may ask much as I did, does this insurance charge cover? It's DEATH insurance. To ensure that, should we meet an untimely end here in Espana, our ashes be delivered back to our native "land." Okay. There are a few things wrong with this scenario. 1) This automatic insurance charge that they tack on without telling us... NOT COOL. 2) Why this heightened worry of death? Is there something about this country that I don't know about? 3) We already have travel insurance which covers this 'death' possibility. And most importanly, 4) Who in the hell said I wanted to return to my "land" in ASH FORM. I would assume that should I be fatally struck by one of these crazed Spanish drivers or by falling pieces of our bathroom ceiling, they would at least notify my family before turning me into a pile of chimney grit and sticking me in an urn. Who said I was into being incinerated?? FYI Caja Madrid, I would prefer to remain intact.

So, dearest Caja Madrid, thank you for being not only our bank but for also taking care of my post-mortum affairs without my knowledge. Just your typical bank, really. I just cannot for the life of me understand why Bank of America doesn't jump on that bandwagon...


p.s. Happy Birthday Greg! :o)

far from home

I've never really been homesick. I mean sure, there are times when I wish I could just walk downstairs and have a cup of hot chocolate with my mom, get a hug and some reassuring words from my dad, goof around with my brother and sisters. Sometimes I even miss my little sister's whining... this is shocking, if you've ever been so lucky to hear that shrill, nails down the chalkboard sound. I'm not kidding when I say that she's shattered a few windows. But that empty feeling where you feel you NEED to be at home? I can't say I've really experienced it often. Maybe because my parents divorced when I was 10 and I'm accustomed to not being with everyone I love at any given time. Maybe it's just my personality. But regardless, there are times when you just want to have everything at once: family, friends, childhood, college years, and the right now all at the same time.

I'd love to be back in East Lyme just for a little bit the way I like to remember it: long drives and chats with Mark like they used to be, just walking next door to goof off with Mike like I've done since I was four years old, grabbin' a DD's with Dave, "mastering" pool in Todd's basement, harassing Andrew (all with love, Andrew, all with love :o) ), etc etc. I miss Holy Cross, and how within five minutes I could go from hanging out in my apartment to surrounding myself with so many people that I love as though I'd known them all my life.

But times change and people move on... and I'm not bitter because frankly, I'm no exception. High school graduation sends us off to our respective schools. We move on, change friends, become more independent. We really start to become who we will be. Four year fly by, and then college graduation is followed by moves to California, New York, Boston, Florida, South Carolina, Washington D.C., etc. Other cities, other states, other countries. And the cycle starts again. New lives, new friends, new careers, new goals. But despite how much you may love and are excited and proud of your new life, you always think back to how things used to be... and you miss it just a bit.

I'm in Spain! I mean, hello... I'm living a dream and I consider myself ridiculously lucky. I absolutely love where and who I am and what I'm doing. And I do have new friends who are fantastic, and caring, and FUN...and I can't imagine having never met them. My life is completely different from anything it's been before... which is what I wanted. What I needed. But when you decide to head far away to, for example, Spain, you realize that you're leaving everything you love behind for something unknown. Your parents, your friends, your favorite ice cream place, your beach, your favorite driving routes. You know you're going to miss get-togethers of friends and family, parties, funny moments that normally you would have been present for.

And you know that you can't drive home in an hour. Or take a random weekend trip to Boston to visit your pals. And you deal with it because you know that you're doing what you want to do with your one precious life, be it selfish or not. But at the same time you realize that if something were to happen at home to a friend, to a family member, or even to your dog, that you can't just hop in the car, take a drive, and offer a long hug or some reassuring words. And you and them understand that you'd be there to support them if you could... and it hurts you to know that someone you care about is far away hurting so badly and there's nothing you can do to help. But the important thing is knowing that between friends, whenever something happens, the love and support is there... even if you can't physically give that hug that you so desperately want to offer.

I love you Corinne.. you're in my prayers.

"them"

You know who they are and you know you're annoyed by them too. If you ARE one of them, stop. You've rolled your eyes at them, perhaps you've been caught making a face. Natural habitat: front and center. Temperment: over anxious. Communication habits: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Favorite exercise: hand-raising.
The 'over-nodders,' as I so fondly call them, exist in almost every type of class and appear to increase in numbers as we move up the chain from high school to graduate school. They tend to congregate in classes with a cultural subject matter: namely literature and art. Oh dear God, the art class nodders. Perhaps the most offensive of the species. Oh you know who I'm talking about. The professor is talking about a piece of art: a painting, a building, the form of an arch. He knows what he's talking about, he's not looking for any form of affirmation. He doesn't need it. He has a doctorate. He has a job. He's your superior. He's studied this stuff for years and there's a pretty good chance that he's written a book.
But there they are, nodding in that "Oh yes yes of course, I knew that already" way. Nodding so much that I'm surprised they don't have neck or dizziness problems. At times the nod is so exagerated that the chest practically interferes with the motion. Said nods are frequently accompanied by a strategically placed "mm-hmm, mm-hmm" (up to 5 mm-hmms at any given time) uttered just a little bit too loud as to assure that everyone else knows that they know what the professor is talking about. Now I know this is hard to take, but "everyone else" doesn't care if you know or not. Your nodding does not make you appear smarter. And your nodding head is really quite irritating for people sitting in back of you trying to look at the projected slides. I know that I, at least, don't feel like synchronizing head motions with you in order to avoid seeing your bobbing dome piece in the middle of a barroque church.
So here's to you, over-anxious head nodders. Because if I were to lose a bobble-head doll, I could throw a Red Sox hat or a hula skirt on you and stick you on my dashboard.

dumb and dumberer

There was a time, long ago, when I was actually quite proficient at the English language. In fact, in an ironic twist, the original plan as an entering freshman at Holy Cross was to wait one semester and then declare an English major. Obviously, things ended up heading down an alternative path and a different language was to dominate my four collegiate years: espanol!

Over the years, I had acquired a decent vocabulary that I had been building up since learning to speak. I was a good writer and a decent speaker. I spent my childhood writing and illustrating stories (Stephanie Casey and I were co-authors of a pretty impressive collection... I believe she'd agree) and reading freakish amounts of books. During (I almost wrote durante) the years of good ole Flanders Elementary, I found sick pleasure in vocab quizzes. Scrabble was and remains a favorite. My dad instilled in me an obsession with crossword puzzles... I do two a day and I'll admit it, I'm damn good at them. I actually ENJOYED writing college application essays. I am one of those people who would take writing a paper over taking an exam any day. I love sitting down with a good book. I appreciate intelligence in a person and an ability to express oneself in a somewhat articulate manner.

This last sentence officially now makes me a hypocrite. Why? Because I can no longer speak English. The language I was brought up with. The mother tongue. The language of my forefathers (well, aside from the ones speaking Gaelic and German anyway...). I officially now sound like a blundering idiot. Short, simple, choppy sentences completely lacking in segues and any form of fluidity. Single syllable words. Basic grammar that I can't screw up. The Middlebury program, for anyone who I haven't told, has a rule (we had to sign a pledge) which states that we have to speak Spanish 24/7 since day 1. Because of said pledge, us Middleburyanos instinctively speak Spanish with each other when we're in class, when we run into each other in the street, when we go out. In fact, I pretty much don't know how anyone in the program outside of our little pandilla sounds in English. So, for example: I live with two other girls in the program, and we speak exclusively in Spanish (well, except for when English is necessary to make a story actually funny so the other two don't have to fake a laugh). We eat in Spanish. We go out drinking in Spanish. We clean in Spanish. Susan whines in Spanish. Joanne has her rumbos in Spanish. I bask in my aura of perfection in Spanish.

My language issues started over the summer during the 6 infernal weeks in the Middlebury gulag. Upon our arrival, we signed the "pledge," and by doing so we signed away our rights to speak English for six weeks. After four weeks, BernBern (alias: Mom) came up to visit and I found myself having serious problems to the comedic delight of my mother (almost wrote madre). I found myself speaking in Spanglish... INVOLUNTARILY... randomly throwing in Spanish without realizing it while trying to maintain a conversation in English. Mom thinks its funny and laughter ensues (hers). Betsey thinks she's losing it. She thinks to herself, who else can't distinguish between one personality and the other? Oh, right.... I believe they are a called schizophrenics and are often found in institutions... and no I don't mean Middlebury College.

Now that I'm livin la vida loca (oh Ricky Martin, how your words speak to my soul..) in Madrid, it has gotten progressively worse. The no English rule is obviously the key to the success of this program and I see the value of it all and know that it must be helping my Spanish. However, it is slowly killing my English. How will I interview for jobs? (Ugh, that word just made me throw up a little in my mouth.) I have it figured out now that instead of being good at one language and at a "language in progress" level with another, I'm now just plain dumb in both. I speak English like, once a week when Bern-Bern calls. And here are some self-observations. I have been known to say things like "I have thirst" instead of "I'm thirsty" because I'm thinking in Spanish grammar. My very first word as an adorable, loveable, perfect, chubby baby was "doggie"... but now when I see a dog I automatically think "perrito!" And I am embarrassed to admit that the other day I spelled "shoe" as "s-h-o-o" and spent a good two minutes debating about whether it looked right or wrong. I mean, wow.

Finally, the most disturbing and confusing of the habits that I've picked up is that when speaking in English, I have somehow acquired a "hick" accent. HICK. Like hay hanging out of my mouth, dirty bare feet, double first names, and confederate flag in the window of my '78 pickup hick. I don't know why or how I ended up with this red neck affliction, but Joanne also appears to be showing signs. I'm starting to picture myself in overalls living with Jim-Bob and Jethro in a trailor park in the Tennessee boonies with a bun in the oven saying things like "Come on Pa, go on and git that there fiddle of yours, we's gonna have us a hoe-down!"

solar eclipses, chicken and stars, and cutie-pie old men

This morning there was an annular solar eclipse that was best seen in (dun dun dunnnnnnn) MADRID! Annular meaning not a full eclipse but rather one of the nifty ones where you've got the ring of FIRE around the moon (see left). The last annular eclipses seen in Spain took place like, three centuries ago, so it was pretty much a big deal. So after my 9:30 class, I ran over to the Jardines del Descubrimiento... a plaza/park thing between the school and our posh pad... to see it. Now, clearly everywhere was sold out of the special glasses... that's what happens when you're a chronic procrastinator like myself. So, the plan was to put on my extremely high tech sunglasses from Target (nothing says high quality sun protection like a $9 pair of shades), stare directly at the sun and dare God to strike me blind. (Side note re blindness: ONCE, the national organization for the blind, has its headquarters right by our school... and Joanne has officially tripped like 3 blind people... WITH CANES AND ALL. Oh, and if it comes out that I'm dead, it means Joanne has just read this)

So, I sat myself on an open bench with my sunglasses on, squinted a bit to the right of the sun, and did the rapid look at the sun because darn it, I was GOING to see that ring around the moon. (I'm a geek when it comes to space stuff- shooting stars, meteor showers, comets, the five constellations I can remember from high school astronomy class.. LOVE IT ALL.) Granted I'm sure I looked like I had a case of the twitches, and yes yes yes, I was seeing some white spots (ahem, quite a few actually)... but I saw it! And then, the best part of my day happened. An old man was walking by and he walked past me... then turned around and came back. With a big, earnest grin he said something to the effect of, "now don't look directly at the sun or you'll ruin those beautiful eyes of yours!" MEH! So cute! And then he sat down next to me on the bench and shared his special anti-blindness solar-eclipse-seeing glasses. We passed them back and forth and chatted for a few. And that was it. But, seriously. It's so cliche and obvious and over-said, but it's amazing how a simple gesture of kindness can change a person's day...

Now I had just gotten out of my hour and a half oral communication class after a night of 3 hours of sleep. I had been sitting alone accepting the fact that I would go blind by the age of 23 because I had been too lazy to buy the glasses 3 days ago like I should have. You could say I wasn't in an overly... "animated" mood, let's say. But this little thing that this person who doesn't know me at all did just by sharing his little cardboard glasses changed my mood. He probably went home, I like to imagine to his wife who was preparing a chicken paella or something equally typical and scrumptious (drool, drool... sounds better than my dinners of like, chicken hot dogs with a side of Special K), and continued his day. He probably hasn't thought twice about our 10 shared minutes sitting on that bench passing back and forth his glasses... but obviously his simple kindness had an impact. Ask my roommates... I've mentioned it like 9 times. Who knows, maybe as a result I did something nice today for someone else without even realizing it...

The tiniest thing can make the biggest difference. Someone remembering your favorite ice cream (peanut butter chip from Hallmarks), recalling a shared funny memory (for example, laughing about my swallowing/choking on my witch wig at Cliff's Halloween party during elementary school... and the events that followed...), a simple compliment on a haircut, shirt, necklace (even if it's a lie). Getting a happy birthday call from a person you'd never expect to have remembered (October 17... just enough time to send me that jar of Skippy superchunk...). Someone bringing you chicken and stars soup when you're sick because they remember that one time, years ago, you mentioned that you love chicken and stars when you're sick. Someone who you've just met downloading you a copy of the Alias premiere and dropping it off to your apartment (thanks Angel! You are my hero! Te debo!) Anything... no matter how minor or forgettable it might seem, someone will remember it and will remember you... whether it's for something as sentimental as a well thought out gift from one friend to another for no particular occasion or as seemingly meaningless as someone putting their day on hold for 10 minutes to share their special eclipse sunglasses with a random American gal sitting on a bench.

shower woes

I can't get it out of my hair! It's completely stuck, embedded, trapped... and I am beginning to think that I will have to shave my head a la Natalie Portman in order to get rid of it. That's right... I'm talking about the smell of cigarette smoke. We went out last night and my hair still smells.. POST SHOWER! I shampoo-ed my coiff twice with this in mind, but upon flipping it upside down to blowdry it, I discovered to my horror that it still lingerrrrrrrrred. My jeans? Forget it. They are absolutely embedded with smoke odor. And not to be graphic, but today, while getting dressed... I discovered that my bra has picked up that lovely smell as well. That cigarette smoke penetrated not one, but TWO SHIRTS to get to my poor unsuspecting undergarments.

My poor, poor abused clothing. Everyday, I pull an assortment of clean, fresh-smelling clothes out of my closet. I smell absolutely fantastic in the morning; not in that 'over the top gagging on perfumey products' way that I'm allergic to, but rather the pleasant smell like the one that dryer sheets aim for but can't quite achieve with total success... fresh, light, and wonderful. Did I mention that I'm also modest? The lingering scent in my clothes of our detergent mixes ever so pleasantly with my Nivea body lotion, botanical silk deodorant, and, once in awhile, my mango mandarin body splash (infused with real mango and mandarin orange extracts). I leave my room each morning and frankly... I wouldn't mind getting to know me better.

By the end of the day, I smell like an ashtray. No, an ashtray doesn't describe it. More like the smell of all the dirty cigarette butts in the sidewalk when the sidewalk sweeper comes and sweeps them all together. I even feel grayer. My smell-good efforts go down the toilet as soon as I enter the world that exists outside our nice ciggy-free apartment. Doing laundry is a depressing activity... because you get your jeans to that desired comfy stage (1 day post-wash) that you absolutely adore. But then the weekend comes, and you want to wear those jeans out because your bum looks the best in them, but at the same time... you know they're going to reak like all hell within 5 minutes at the bar.

In Spain, it is hard to avoid walking straight into the clouds of ciggy smoke. Unfortunately, such a high percentage of Spaniards smoke... I'm convinced that smokers occupy the majority of the population over the age of like, 12. In fact, on the way back from classes in the morning, I always pass a school during a time when the students are on some sort of break... and the amount of cigarette smoke coming through the gates of the school is baffling... because geez, they're just kids. But there's always a HOARD of 14 year olds puffing on their ciggies looking as if they're in some sort of ecstacy upon relieving the craving. "Ughh wow, history class was sooo boring today... GOD I NEED A SMOKE." Sometimes it's almost like a video game. I am a really fast walker, and Spanish people... well, aren't. So I have the double task of 1) weaving through the people without ramming into those travelling in the opposite direction and 2) of avoiding breathing in the puffs of smoke. Sometimes it's unavoidable.. you see it coming like a big cloud of emphysema in slow motion and you try to dodge but it's JUST TOO LATE.

One of the best things ever was when, back home, the law was passed banning smoking in restaurants, bars, etc. I was so happy. I could wear a jacket to the bar knowing in advance that it would smell just as it did before leaving. Hypothermia? Not a problem anymore! Here, not only do they smoke in bars and restaurants, but there is seemingly no public place that is off limits. I remember two years ago when I nervously went for my 'new' haircut in Sevilla (scared the hairdresser was going to give me that mullet look that remains popular here), and there was a woman under a dryer with foils in her hair and she was smoking. When she got back to the chair next to me for some more snip snips, she lit up again. Like, oh my God woman, can you go 45 minutes without the nicotine?! Smokers in the bank. Smokers in the internet centers. It's crazy. I CAN'T ESCAPE IT without staying at home and being a recluse. Word on the street is that starting next year, Spain is following suit and banning smoking in all public places. So, I guess til then all I can really do is just suck it up and wash my jeans 9 times a week.

ass grabs and booty smacks

Spanish men. Spanish men are known by American girls to be sketchy. They whistle at you in the street, they will stop what they're doing and blatantly stare at you as you pass, and they have no problem sending a few comments your way. It's like living in a 24/7 construction zone. Walking through a crowded bar is like walking through a carwash of hands. Except the washers for some strange reason always seem to want to focus on the tush.

A few days ago, Nell was walking along and a young man came up to her in the street and grabbed her bum. Now, I don't know if this is meant to be taken as a compliment, but Nell was pissed. A few days later and she's still talking about how if he hadn't run she would have kneed him in the family jewels and kicked him in the face while he was down. (Side note: I can't help but think of when Kerry, in Sevilla, got a bum slap by a kid on a vespa and he ended up with a disc-man indent in his head) Anyway, Nell related her experience to Paco, friend of all and Latin lover of Joanne, who was like, "...and...??" and using words like "normal" and "whats the big deal." IE, anything but what Nell was thinking.

The curious hands of the Spanish men has everything to do with their take on physical touch. They're a touchy-touchy breed, these Spanish folks, and nobody escapes. Just take a walk through the park. Holy PDA. I mean like, wow. Full out lying on top of each other and, well, major "get a room" activities. I walk by and I'm like, do I shield my eyes? Do I take a different route? I think I need a shower? Goodbye kisses in the middle of the Metro station are like kisses that in the USA you sneak hurriedly into a nearby bathroom so as not to frighten the children. There is no shame here. PDA is almost advertised. Funeral homes probably aren't even off limits. Anyone who knows me understands that this is like my worst nightmare... PDA everywhere. I hate seeing it, being part of it, hearing it (sucky noises and so forth..), it's just not my thang. It's like those programs where you are forced to deal with your phobias. For some, it's enclosed spaces. For others, it's heights. For me? Public displays of affection.

America, in comparison, is a very hands-off society. When you meet somebody, you do the handshake from 7 feet away. The Spanish are more physical: long live the dos besos (two kisses). Not the snooty double air kiss that is generally accompanied by a comment like "dahhling its been much too lonnng" in a fake European accent, but 2 full out "smackers on the cheeks" kisses. In America, if you accidentally touch someone's arm or something, you automatically feel inclined to apologize as though you've just punched them in the face. The US is all about personal bubbles and "you're invading my personal space." It's a constant car ride in the backseat with your siblings. "Stop touching me! You're on my side!" PDA is more or less taboo. If you get caught committing PDA, you get made fun of. Anything more than a quick kiss is considered practically pornography. You know, when sitting on a bench in a public space with your beloved, that it's not socially acceptable to maul each other in front of the grandmas and the little children. In Spain, you can bring popcorn and a few friends and the PDA-ers won't care.

supermarket sweeps

Carrefour is a huge chain of supermarkets in Spain. We had our first Carrefour experience the other day in search of supplies for our beloved and revived "Nacho Noche" tradition. We walked in... and it was HUGE. Food everywhere, a ton of sections, workers walking around with clipboards asking you to fill out an application to get a Carrefour card. I couldn't even reply because my bottom jaw was chillin' somewhere down around my ankles: how the hell were we going to find anything in under 2 hours in this place?

The Carrefour experience led to some interesting observations, some of which I will list:

1. There are like 9 different sections with cheese. There's a cheese aisle, cheese refridgerator bins, cheese in the butcher meat section, here a cheese, there a cheese, everywhere a cheese cheese... needless to say it took a lil time to find a bag of grated mozzarella.

2. The butcher section. Spaniards love the meat, and I mean that in the dietary way. Now, I normally have no problem with people eating meat... hey, I still eat chicken and I oddly enough enjoy a good meatloaf... it's fine. What I don't like to see is blatant evidence that this ______ was once an animal... ie I like my chicken to come as boneless cutlets. There was a moment (probably while searching for the cheese) where I was surrounded... SURROUNDED... by meat. Rows and rows of pig legs, packs of perfectly preserved kidneys, huge cuts of meat just HANGING, de-skinned rabbits just sittin' there in the cooler. Oh my God. Imagine this photo, except on all sides of you.


3. For our nacho noche, obviously we needed to find things such as tortilla chips, salsa, and refried beans. Where did we find said supplies? OBVIOUSLY mixed in with the Chinese food. I don't mean that they were in the same aisle but in their own areas, I mean all mixed together. The wontons were hanging out with the burritos and the duck sauce was stuck in there with chip salsa. I guess it was the Chinexican section. Totally normal.

4. Butter. There was a tub of butter and it came with a free gift! An English dictionary! WHY? The butter company wasn't even English or American. When's the last time you wanted to butter a piece of toast and suddenly felt the urgent need to know the translation of some word.

5. Finally, the check out line. So this supermarket is HUGE. Like a Target store, but filled with food. If you go to this store, you're not F-in' around. You are about to spend some serious Euros on a diesel amount of food. So you arrive to the check out line with your about to explode from being full carriage, and the conveyer belt is about the length and width of 2 loaves of bread. Logic, logic, logic.

crema de cacahuete

My favorite food in the whole world is peanut butter. I like it on bread, on bananas, with bananas in bread, with apples, or even just a spoonful of it. I like peanut butter cups, peanut butter ice cream, peanut butter cookies. If there was a peanut butter flavored soda I'd probably like that too. Skippy superchunk is my brand and style of choice... in fact it's kind of the only kind I'll eat. Kind of like I can only drink Tropicana pure premium not from concentrate original orange juice, sans pulp of course. As a child I always thought the pulp was little bugs... I ended up being that freak who brought her own orange juice to sleepover parties. Sick, I know.

Anyway, this inability to survive without this delightful peanut product becomes somewhat of a problem in Spain. Spaniards don't "do" peanut butter. They're more into pig products. Those who have even heard of crema de cacahuete (peanut butter), that crazy American product, don't express any desire to try it. It can also be a little tricky to find. There are ways of acquiring peanut butter, but if I buy it here, I have to suck up my pride and buy Pedro Pan (Peter Pan) that they sell in El Corte Ingles. Side note: el Corte Ingles I swear to God is going to take over the world. It's the only place I know that has clothing, lawn supplies, the country's biggest supermarket, a travel agency, household appliances, fine jewelry, designer everything, cell phone store, shoes, electronics, books, vespas, etc etc within its 8 floors of magic... and it's making its way through Europe... conquering cities and countries one by one a la Napoleon Bonaparte.

Instead of downgrading, I of course make my poor parents send me peanut butter. And yes, I did pack a stash of my beloved Skippy superchunk in my suitcase. Instead of another sweater, another pair of shoes, or something that perhaps would be more practical in the long run.... I pack a Costco size TUB of peanut butter. And, I am sad to say, I have almost run out. I've had to keep myself from finishing off my Skippy because I know that Pedro Pan is what I will have to deal with.

I think I've done the most damage on my peanut butter supply on nights that I've gone out. Joanne and I got into a habit of when arriving home after a night out drankin' at like 5am or so, we are obviously hungry. Or maybe just the drunky munchies. We're in the taxi, and we're already talking about who's turn it is to make the pb sandwiches. We get home, one of us makes the sandwiches, and they we eat them. In bed. Yes, that's my idea of a good time in bed: slipping into something more comfortable, dimming the lights, putting on a little mood music, getting all cozy...and chowing down a peanut butter sandwich at 5am.

This week, I have a peanut butter "date" with Jose Manuel, my new friend of sorts. He's never tried peanut butter... and I immediately feel the need to bombard him with Skippy and convert him into a peanut butter over-consumer like myself. Think Christopher Columbus, the Spanish conquest of the Indies, and the imposition of Catholicism upon the natives. Peanut butter is to Catholicism as Betsey is to Christopher Columbus. Get ready to be conquered Jose...

teeth

England, contrary to popular belief, is not the sole contender for the habitants with the worst teeth award. I was sitting on the metro the other day, across from a couple and their tween daughter. The man looked perfectly normal... mid-40's, well-dressed, wife and daughter quite attractive. Then he laughed a big hearty laugh at something the daughter said... a laugh that revealed his very, VERY few teeth. I couldn't but look at his mouth (and yes, I did shamefully get caught) and think WHOA. And yet, when he laughed he really laughed... he didn't try to cover his mouth with his hand or struggle to keep his lips pressed together. And although I'm sure he'd like to have some of those pearly whites back in his mouth (and probably also would like that the remaining ones BE pearly whites..) he wasn't embarrassed at all.

I, in my days as a "I'm hungover and have nothing to do on a Sunday morning (ahem.. afternoon more likely...)" college student, have seen many a Jerry Springer-esque show where people are so ashamed of their dental situation that they refuse to come out of their homes. And it all comes down to culture. Americans are over-obsessed about everything. How much money they make. Which college you attended. Nose too big? Change it. Boobs too small? Silicone! MUST HAVE bottled water and not from the tap. Must shower 3 times a day. Once in the morning, once after excercising, and cleary once more before going out. Everything, right down to dental care.

Having had 12 teeth yanked from their happy gum homes (don't worry, only 4 were adults) and having spent approximately five years behind the metal bars of every teenager's "I'm in my awkward stage" signal, ie braces, this very much pertains to me. The dentist, pre-braces, used to say "well isn't that a fun little design" while describing the creative arrangement of my noshers. In Spain, those fun little designs STAY fun little designs. In USA? Not a chance. After getting the braces off the first time, I had one tooth... ONE HIDDEN BOTTOM TOOTH... shift slightly. CLEARLY I had to get braces back on those puppies ASAP.

We spend so much money (and pain) on making our teeth perfectly straight and unnaturally white (think of the episode of Friends when Ross whitens his teeth before going out on a date...). It ends up being like the racks in Abercrombie & Fitch... rows and rows of jeans all with the same "oh look... these are my totally individual old comfy jeans" holes in the exact same places. Everyone's teeth look the same. It comes down to whose teeth have been the most altered.

I have to admit, I enjoy a nice smile... maybe because I'm trained to. But at the same time, there's also something really beautiful to see the imperfections of a person that make them unique from their friends and their family. I mean, there are instances where one's dental health is at stake where they'll end up losing their teeth if something isn't done now.. I understand that. And I bet Mr. Toothless in the Metro could possibly have a better self image with some dentures or something. But a couple of crooked teeth? A little gap? It's natural... people are supposed to have imperfections. Without imperfections, we'd all be tall naturally tan size 6 chicas with thick wavy hair, long eyelashes, hooge hooters, cute button noses, perfectly toned muscles... and, clearly, two rows of perfectly straight, perfectly arranged, and perfectly white teeth.

Ole!

This evening, we went to a bullfight in a town outside of Madrid. On the ride back, one of the kids who took us got to talking how a bullfight is the only show/spectacle in the world right now where an animal is legally killed. And it got me to thinking, what would happen if some law was passed and they just did away with bullfighting altogether.

Bullfighting, first of all, would never fly in the US. Animal cruelty groups would chain themselves to the gates before that ever happened. But here, where bullfights are held several times a week, it's just another part of life. It's something traditional. And everything, from the music of the band to the process of a bullfight, down to the white handkerchiefs that are waved in approval (or disapproval) of a torero's performance.

Sitting and watching, I can't help but be, at times, somewhat disgusted and sad when I think about the death of an innocent animal through what I'm sure is a very uncomfortable process. But then again, I am at the same in awe of everything else. The atmosphere of a bullfight is amazing. The music, the families, the shouts of "ole!", waving white handkerchiefs, the unity of an entire crowd behind the torero (or the unity of an entire crowd against the torero for a bad performance).

I think it kind of compares to what a baseball game is at home... right down to the baseball being thrown into the stands (today, two bull ears were thrown into the stands by the torero, who earned it based on his good performance). So, to turn things around... what would we do with ourselves throughout the summer if we didn't have Red Sox games? Here, the toreros are of the highest breed of celebrity. At home, hello? I know I've seen an "Ortiz for president" sign... not to mention my childish, awe-struck, and somewhat embarassing crush on Johnny Damon...

So, when people from home ask me, in so many words, how I can live with myself after supporting the death of an animal... it's really just not something you can explain. Without stepping out of your own frame of mind and opening yourself up to new things, and understanding and experiencing Spanish culture and history, honestly... how can you criticize something of such cultural value that has been going on since long before America was even discovered?

Spanish boots

For lack of any interesting story, here's a little Bob Dylan song for ya's.. looks like Bobby had a little love who left him for Spain..


Oh, I'm sailin' away my own true love,
I'm sailin' away in the morning
Is there something I can send you from across the sea,
From the place that I'll be landin?

No, there's nothin' you can send me, my own true love,
There's nothin' I wish to be ownin'.
Just carry yourself back to me unspoiled,
From across that lonesome ocean.

Oh, but I just thought you might want something fine
Made of silver or of golden,
Either from the mountains of Madri
Or from the coast of Barcelona.

Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night
Ad the diamonds from the deepest ocean,
I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss,
For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.

That I might be gone a long time
ANd it's only that I'm askin',
Is there something I can send you to remember me by,
To make your time more easy passin'.

Oh, how can, how can you ask me again,
It only brings me sorrow.
The same thing I want from you today,
I would want again tomorrow.

I got a letter on a lonesome day,
It was from her ship a-sailin',
Saying I don't know when I'll be comin' back again,
It depends on how I'm a-feelin'.

Well, if you, y love, must thing that-a-way,
I'm sure your mind is roamin'.
I'm sure your heart is not with me,
But with the country to where you're goin'.

So take heed, take heed of the western wind,
Take heed of the stormy weather.
And yes, there's something you can send back to me,
Spanish boots of Spanish leather.

Gonzalo

It's amazing how a minor decision like, hey let's go to Cafe Poli (its in the bottom of our building) for some coffee can lead to a funny encounter.

We were sitting having a cafe con leche (aka nectar of life) and chatting with our friends (the waiters) when "Gonzalo" arrived and started calling us beautiful. He ends up buying our coffee, and for this we end up having to talk to him for a few minutes.

Now, Gonzalo is AT LEAST 55 years old, with a few definitely not even close to a shade of white teeth. He is sitting with a few friends, including a drunk woman with a cigarette butt hanging out of her mouth and yelling at the waiters about how mad she is that they didn't put enough ice in her whiskey.

He starts telling us all the things we have to see/do in Madrid, and asks us how much of a chance he with one of us. But dont' worry, because "he's patient" and he will wait until we are ready to start a relationship. Turns out he's a hairdresser by trade, which upon hearing this almost made us pee ourselves... because if you saw him, he was more than slightly bald. What hair he did have he had let grow long and greasy into a straggly ponytail.

Now, he is a taxi driver... and if we want to go anywhere, we now have his cell phone number... he will gladly take us wherever we want to go in his taxi. AND, don't worry... if we lose his number, he often comes to Cafe Poli so we can find him there.

Well THAT'S a load of my back.

Fran

I have found the boy that takes the name "Francisco" out of the running for my future European love who will buy me my Mediterranean villa (TOTALLY possible). I guess now it'll just have to be Diego. Sigh.

We went out this evening to various places near la Plaza de Sol... and we ended up at the last place hanging out with this group of young men... one of which was named Fran. Fran's way of flirting with you is to come up to you from behind, lift your hair up and blow on your neck.. he then says, "does that bother you?" So i say, "no, its just plain weird." So the evening continues, he is going between Joanne and I trying to woo us with his ever charming(?) ways, saying he has fallen in love with me although I have said nothing but "that is weird" to him. So his next technique, and definitely the most effective in making me want to just say "WHAT ARE YOU" is that he comes up and scratches you on the arm.. the kind of scratch where for the next few minutes you have four red lines running down your arm. MORE THAN ONCE. Honestly Fran, what are you.. a cat? I look like I was attacked by a damn leopard.

The rest of the group was fun.. we were out til 5am (normal here... they went on to a discoteca after that... we turned in for the evening). They all have our msn "messenger" addresses so maybe we have a group of amigos now. Ha.

Ohhhh Espana... como te he echado de menos...

american tourists

Recently, in a Madrid McDonalds, there was an American couple. A middle-aged snobby man with his either a) 2nd wife, or b) woman he was cheating on his wife with (younger, wearing a corset type thing, and really skinny with huge round fake boobs coming out of her neck).
They had been in Spain for three days. He was yelling/complaining in his American snooty Thurston Howell III way "oh. my. god. ughh if i have to eat one more meal with sausage or ham... i.. i.. i swear to god... i swear to god i am leaving today." But then, Boobs McGee wants her cheeseburger without onion. The person at the counter doesn't understand her, and she doesn't speak english. She starts SOBBING... DOES ANYONE SPEAK ENGLISH!?!?! ANYONE??? ANYONE???? WAHHHHH ahha hhhhh"
After finding a translater to say "sin cebolla" and Boobs stopped sobbing, the couple, apparently confusing Spain for Honduras or some other 3rd world country, gave a little girl a one dollar bill to take a picture with them. I can see it already.. "Marshall, look at this picture we took with a young child we befriended while we visited her country... isn't she just dahhhling?"
In other news, man-thongs have been spotted in the store. I guess that explains what is worn under the super-tight white pants that they like to sport.

el piso!

Benefits of the new piso (apartment):
--> in a big commercial area, so anything you could possibly need is within a 5 min walking distance
--> came furnished... granted a bit ghetto and mostly old stuff, but hey... saves us $$
--> lots of cafe's = lots of amazing spanish coffee wherever you go
--> metro stop SOOO close
--> near Retiro, hooooooooooge awesomely gorgeous park (where I totally have intentions of running through)

here are some pics. look under 'new digs'
http://community.webshots.com/user/wapa1982

It was like deja-vous. After hours and hours of flight delays, missed flights, and sitting next to Spaniards who don't believe in deodorant, you arrive to the baggage claim. You wait patiently but start to grow anxious as the crowd of fellow flight BA148 goers slowly dwindles, bags disappearing off the luggage belt.
Then, the unthinkable happens: the belt stops. Your flight number, shown on the television above the belt, disappears and is replaced with some flight number coming in from Athens. Damned Greeks. As you wait in the "Equipaje perdido" (lost luggage) line, you remember the debacle two years ago: the horror of wearing the same blue pants for four days, washing your hair with handsoap, using sparingly the free mini tube of toothpaste from good ole British Airways, and fighting with airport people who said they'd already delivered the bags. (In the end they ended up being in some old airplane hangar filled with cardboard boxes that was across the airfield from the rest of the airport)
Luckily, this time only one and a half days of frustration were spent waiting on my beloved possessions. So I guess everything's fine. But c'mon now. Is this REALLY going to happen everytime?