far from home

I've never really been homesick. I mean sure, there are times when I wish I could just walk downstairs and have a cup of hot chocolate with my mom, get a hug and some reassuring words from my dad, goof around with my brother and sisters. Sometimes I even miss my little sister's whining... this is shocking, if you've ever been so lucky to hear that shrill, nails down the chalkboard sound. I'm not kidding when I say that she's shattered a few windows. But that empty feeling where you feel you NEED to be at home? I can't say I've really experienced it often. Maybe because my parents divorced when I was 10 and I'm accustomed to not being with everyone I love at any given time. Maybe it's just my personality. But regardless, there are times when you just want to have everything at once: family, friends, childhood, college years, and the right now all at the same time.

I'd love to be back in East Lyme just for a little bit the way I like to remember it: long drives and chats with Mark like they used to be, just walking next door to goof off with Mike like I've done since I was four years old, grabbin' a DD's with Dave, "mastering" pool in Todd's basement, harassing Andrew (all with love, Andrew, all with love :o) ), etc etc. I miss Holy Cross, and how within five minutes I could go from hanging out in my apartment to surrounding myself with so many people that I love as though I'd known them all my life.

But times change and people move on... and I'm not bitter because frankly, I'm no exception. High school graduation sends us off to our respective schools. We move on, change friends, become more independent. We really start to become who we will be. Four year fly by, and then college graduation is followed by moves to California, New York, Boston, Florida, South Carolina, Washington D.C., etc. Other cities, other states, other countries. And the cycle starts again. New lives, new friends, new careers, new goals. But despite how much you may love and are excited and proud of your new life, you always think back to how things used to be... and you miss it just a bit.

I'm in Spain! I mean, hello... I'm living a dream and I consider myself ridiculously lucky. I absolutely love where and who I am and what I'm doing. And I do have new friends who are fantastic, and caring, and FUN...and I can't imagine having never met them. My life is completely different from anything it's been before... which is what I wanted. What I needed. But when you decide to head far away to, for example, Spain, you realize that you're leaving everything you love behind for something unknown. Your parents, your friends, your favorite ice cream place, your beach, your favorite driving routes. You know you're going to miss get-togethers of friends and family, parties, funny moments that normally you would have been present for.

And you know that you can't drive home in an hour. Or take a random weekend trip to Boston to visit your pals. And you deal with it because you know that you're doing what you want to do with your one precious life, be it selfish or not. But at the same time you realize that if something were to happen at home to a friend, to a family member, or even to your dog, that you can't just hop in the car, take a drive, and offer a long hug or some reassuring words. And you and them understand that you'd be there to support them if you could... and it hurts you to know that someone you care about is far away hurting so badly and there's nothing you can do to help. But the important thing is knowing that between friends, whenever something happens, the love and support is there... even if you can't physically give that hug that you so desperately want to offer.

I love you Corinne.. you're in my prayers.