ass grabs and booty smacks

Spanish men. Spanish men are known by American girls to be sketchy. They whistle at you in the street, they will stop what they're doing and blatantly stare at you as you pass, and they have no problem sending a few comments your way. It's like living in a 24/7 construction zone. Walking through a crowded bar is like walking through a carwash of hands. Except the washers for some strange reason always seem to want to focus on the tush.

A few days ago, Nell was walking along and a young man came up to her in the street and grabbed her bum. Now, I don't know if this is meant to be taken as a compliment, but Nell was pissed. A few days later and she's still talking about how if he hadn't run she would have kneed him in the family jewels and kicked him in the face while he was down. (Side note: I can't help but think of when Kerry, in Sevilla, got a bum slap by a kid on a vespa and he ended up with a disc-man indent in his head) Anyway, Nell related her experience to Paco, friend of all and Latin lover of Joanne, who was like, "...and...??" and using words like "normal" and "whats the big deal." IE, anything but what Nell was thinking.

The curious hands of the Spanish men has everything to do with their take on physical touch. They're a touchy-touchy breed, these Spanish folks, and nobody escapes. Just take a walk through the park. Holy PDA. I mean like, wow. Full out lying on top of each other and, well, major "get a room" activities. I walk by and I'm like, do I shield my eyes? Do I take a different route? I think I need a shower? Goodbye kisses in the middle of the Metro station are like kisses that in the USA you sneak hurriedly into a nearby bathroom so as not to frighten the children. There is no shame here. PDA is almost advertised. Funeral homes probably aren't even off limits. Anyone who knows me understands that this is like my worst nightmare... PDA everywhere. I hate seeing it, being part of it, hearing it (sucky noises and so forth..), it's just not my thang. It's like those programs where you are forced to deal with your phobias. For some, it's enclosed spaces. For others, it's heights. For me? Public displays of affection.

America, in comparison, is a very hands-off society. When you meet somebody, you do the handshake from 7 feet away. The Spanish are more physical: long live the dos besos (two kisses). Not the snooty double air kiss that is generally accompanied by a comment like "dahhling its been much too lonnng" in a fake European accent, but 2 full out "smackers on the cheeks" kisses. In America, if you accidentally touch someone's arm or something, you automatically feel inclined to apologize as though you've just punched them in the face. The US is all about personal bubbles and "you're invading my personal space." It's a constant car ride in the backseat with your siblings. "Stop touching me! You're on my side!" PDA is more or less taboo. If you get caught committing PDA, you get made fun of. Anything more than a quick kiss is considered practically pornography. You know, when sitting on a bench in a public space with your beloved, that it's not socially acceptable to maul each other in front of the grandmas and the little children. In Spain, you can bring popcorn and a few friends and the PDA-ers won't care.