Potsdam at the ATM

Now we have all - and by "all" I mean all of us who have studied abroad during their undergraduate college career - had those "I just don't understand why" days where the ATM sticks out its tongue and flicks you off when you go to withdraw your meager funds. Those days that leave you lamenting the fact that ATM's only shoot out 20's and 50's instead of 10's, thus deaming the remaining $19.02 (oooh so close!) in your account utterly useless and unattainable. Those days where you have to break down and beg your parents for a bit of funding. And while those days are not fun, we can all relate... or at least find it in our hearts to sympathize.

However. There is an unfortunate character that often pops up at the ATM, generally just when you happen to be in a hurry. The ATM negotiator.

You know you're dealing with an ATM negotiator when, as you stand behind them feigning patience, they constantly look from side to side as to ensure that nobody is lurking in the shadows. Why? Because they are about to head into some lengthy negotiations surpassed only by those of the Potsdam Conference.

You continue to stand behind them, restlessly shifting your weight from foot to foot, squinting impatiently at the back of their heads and contemplating leaving your withdrawal - and that bag of chips you had your hopes up for - for a later time.

They see you standing there, but now along with another 4 people that have lined behind you- all of us tapping our feet with exponentially increasing anxiety. Yet, the negotiator sees it as the most opportune time to carry out as many operations at the ATM as humanly possible... putting money on their phone, checking their bank statement, questioning their bank statement, checking their bank statement again, cancelling the transaction, putting card back in for a new transaction, scratching their head... and then comes the eventual debacle of actually withdrawing funds.

As you watch the negotiations transpire you can almost go so far as to create a dialogue. Or, you're borderline insane like me and you DO create a dialogue...


"Hmm I REALLY want a pair of those black leather dominatrix boots that everyone's wearing on top of their jeans these days. They'd go great with my whip and black leather corset. Hot, hot, hot. Let's take out 100."
...... Machine spits the card out. Machine: 1, Negotiator: 0
"No? 100's no good? Ok how about 80?"
...... Machine spits the card out. Machine: 2, Negotiator: 0
"No? Dang. Well, I guess I could settle with 40."
..... Machine spits the card out. Yawns and looks at its watch. Machine: 3, Negotiator: 0
"(Now with attitude) No? Not 40? Well if you don't give me 20 I'ma gonna cut you and ain't nobody gonna help you!"
...... Machine contemplates the idea. Wavers. Is persuaded. Admits defeat.
"Aha!! Yeah that's what I thought... cough it up biaaaatch." (Insert cash grab, fist pump and victory dance)


...All this for a lousy bag of chips...