The Greatest Show on Earth!

Us Americans know that the beloved comic strip "Family Circus" - about a family with a gaggle of mischievous young'uns - is a permanent fixture in daily newspapers across the United States... and has been for 40 or 50 years.

Well, if they ever want to give the comic strip a modern update, I think my work environment is a virtual jackpot of material. It would be like Family Circus meets The Office. In fact, Rachel, my fellow American text writer, and I have decided that we should set up a slew of cameras throughout the office to capture the daily shenanigans for the enjoyment of the general public.

Now, while the whole "keep it in the family" approach to a business has gone back centuries and while I'm sure there are few things that please a parent more than for his offspring to proudly take the reins and carry the family mattress business into the future, a family-run business can easily take a turn and morph into a full-fledged circus. A full-fledged family circus, that is.

In the case of the company I work for, we are without a doubt referring to the latter category.

First we've got the founder/owner/head honcho (Antonio) who randomly appears in the office - between trips to Ibiza, that is - who goes from department to department exclaiming various matters to be "urgente! urgente!" when it turns out that nothing actually is. Two days ago, for example, he did his "urgente" spiel for a minor adjustment to a newsletter or something. Everyone dropped whatever they were doing, seeing as how it was something of "urgente!" nature. Needless to say, he then didn't send the newsletter out for another two days. Urgente my ass, I say.

Then there's his brother / internet guy / personal bitch (Alejandro) who has crazy techno blasting at full volume whenever his phone rings 8 rooms away. He randomly launches into full sprints, his head tucked down and his arms pumping back and forth like a steam engine, throughout the office while yelling into his phone... often to his parents, who call incessantly for no particular reason, especially considering the fact that he is in his upper 30's and still lives with them. One of my favorite workplace memories thus far is the day his mom called 6 times within one hour and Alejandro refused to pick up. Finally, he picks up the phone for approximately 3.2 seconds and, just before hanging up with a resounding slam, he belted out "I can't talk Mom!"

It was BRILLIANT! (Guinness voice)

Their 400 year old father, who I secretly call Mr Turtle (shh don't tell), wanders through the building looking like a lost kid. He just shuffles around with a random folder or clipboard in his hands, poking his head into rooms and looking around without actually saying hi to any of the people stops to stare at. Meanwhile, their crazy red-caped mother busts into the office out of breath to, for example, spatter the contents of her brand new vial of holy water ("oooh it's from Fátima!!") throughout the office and on to its unsuspecting employees. Throw in a good 8 or 9 thousand squabbling in-laws occupying various executive positions, and voila! Family Circus par excellence.

Whenever Antonio wants us (the lamely-named "E-Team" or just the two of us text writers) to get something "urgente, urgente" done or change something on one of the various websites, he insists on relaying the word through Sandy- my eccentric, scatterbrained French boss and company "Webmasterrrr" who, by the way, speaks neither Spanish nor English to any distinguishable degree. Our weekly meetings are often QUITE interesting. The emails go through Sandy even when Sandy is, for example, in Philadelphia and Antonio is two rooms away from us. Sandy, in turn, then sends us a handful of completely unintelligible emails, which a) confuse everyone and b) force us to ask Antonio what it is he actually wants, thus making the whole cross-Atlantic correspondance between Sandy and Antonio completely pointless.

Yet, the cycle repeats itself again and again. And again. Annnnnd again.