slurrrrrrrrrp

Every single day on my way to work I make a pit stop in the same shady convenience store and buy exactly two peaches. Nothing more, nothing less.

Now I've always liked peaches, along with the rest of the fruit gang, but I've never by any means been obsessed with man's favorite fuzzy fruit. If they're there, great... if not, I'll happily find something else to eat. Like a donut. BUT, these aren't just any old peaches. These peaches are seriously the biggest, juiciest, most delicious peaches ever. This is going to sound rather revolting, but I would say they are approximately the size of a human brain. I know that's gross, because honestly, who wants to think about sinking their teeth into a big juicy brain as they take a bite of their steroid-fed peach. Ew. But seriously. Size-wise, it's the most comparable thing I can think of.

Moving along, this leads me to the second part of the story. There is absolutely no way to graciously eat these monster peaches in a quiet place - let's say the workplace, where I do indeed eat them every day - without calling to mind a pubescent make out session. You go about cocking your head one way and then the other, trying to decide on the approach, and when you finally "go for it", it's just a symphony of slurping and you can't help but bashfully look around from embarrassment. I feel like I should roll my eyes and tell myself to get a room.